Give Me a Sign

I should never think
What's in your heart
What's in our home
So I won't

You'll learn to hate me
But still call me baby
Oh love
So call me by my name

And save your soul
Save your soul
Before you're to far gone
Before nothing can be done

I'll try to decide when
She'll lie in the end
I ain't got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
So hold off
She should hold off
It's the one thing that I've known

Once I put my coat on
I'm coming out in this all wrong
She's standing outside holding me
Saying "Oh please,
I'm in love,
I'm in love!"

Girl save your soul
Go on save your soul
Before it's to far gone
And before nothing can be done

Cause without me
You got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on.

I just think those lyrics are amazing. Can anyone tell me what it means when you feel like "it" is just to much but you don't know what "it" is? I'm overwhelmed. Something has to be causing that and I'm on a search to find out what it is. I don't mean to complain or to play the pity card. But I just have to let loose sometimes.
A while ago I wrote;

Give me a sign
Move me forward before I turn back
I can't see the line
I can't see what I lack

Time is running out
And I'm running in place
My heart is full of doubt
For it seems, I'm losing the race

Get me out of here
I'm not strong enough for this
All that's left is fear
I know that I won't miss

Please don't say goodbye
Please don't feel any pain
I didn't mean to lie
My sorrow is like a stain.


I don't think I really knew what I was talking about when I wrote it. I think I wrote it for my future self, which is the present me. There is more behind the words. So you won't understand it the way I do, but maybe you can understand it in your own way. I wish life was a stopwatch. I wouldn't mind putting it on hold during times like these. I need a break.

Lindon Stake Trek 2010

I recently got back from trek. For those who don't know what that is, it is an activity my church does. We dress up like pioneers and walk 27 miles of the exact same trail the pioneers walked. It seems pretty pointless but it's not. I thought it was pretty pointless myself, and I did not want to go. I spent hours crying about it and dreading it. But, if I've ever made a good decision it was deciding to go on that trek. It was honestly the best experience of my life.
We did something called the woman's pull. The men "died" and lined the edges of a very steep hill. They then had to watch the girls struggle to pull their handcart up the hill. They weren't allowed to help us at all. They had to sit and watch. As I was helping pull my "family's" handcart up the hill, I noticed that most of the men were crying. That was so touching to me. I did not know that they cared enough to cry about not being able to help us. I can't help but wonder if that is how our loved ones that have passed on feel when we are going through rough times. After it was over, they came back and said "You girls are not allowed to lay a finger on this handcart the rest of the day." I felt more loved at that moment then I have for quite a while. I'm not one to say things like this, but the Spirit was very strong during all of this.
Another thing we did was we walked Rocky Ridge. If you don't know what this is, look it up. It is a part of the trail that stretches 5 miles and it is the hardest 5 miles of the entire trail. It is very steep the entire time and there are huge rocks jutting out just about everywhere you look. We did this part of the trail with good health, and in fairly good weather. However, when the pioneers did it, they had snow up to their knees and were already exhausted. I had no idea how much they suffered before I went on trek. I have so much respect for them.
Before we go on trek, we choose some to trek for. Usually an ancestor. I chose Bodile Mortenson. She is a direct descendant of mine. She was nine years old when she left her home and started on the trail. Her family was too poor to go so they sent Bodile with another family. Her job was to gather firewood everyday so they could have a fire at night time. The night the worst storm of the season hit, (that storm killed 13 people) she was trying to fulfill her duty and went to gather fire wood. All she could find was sage brush so she gathered it up in her arms and walked back to the handcart. She was tired and needed to rest. She only stopped for a single second but that was all it took. The next morning she was found frozen to death, standing up, with the sagebrush still in her arms. I wish so much that she could have just made it through that one night. I know that if she did she would have made it to Zion. I felt her spirit with me the entire time and I know for a fact that she was incredibly strong. I feel like I know her and love her. I almost feel her sorrow. Anyway, I saw her grave and that alone made trek the best experience of my life. To me, seeing where the 13 that died that night were buried made the whole thing come to life. I felt so close to all of them, but especially Bodile.

I wish everyone could have the chance to go on Trek. It was definitely challenging but by far the most amazing experience of my life. If i could do it over again, I would in a heart beat. I will never forget the things I saw a learned while I was there. And to think that I didn't even experience a fraction of all the hardship and sorrow they went through. The pioneers are truly remarkable.

I came to dance, dance, dance.

I'm having one of those days where all I want to do, is go out. :D





I really like that song right now. Today when I was getting ready, I was thinking about how cool it would be to go to Africa. It's probably hotter than it is here but at least they have elephants and giraffes and zebras. I would totally suffer through heat stroke to see all that. :]

Can I get an "Amen?"

FACTS ABOUT ASHLEY

• I'm a free spirit
• I'm a free spirit
• I'm a free freaking spirit.

You can't say that you know me if you don't know that I don't like being told what to do. Yes, I accept it from my parents. It's their job to boss me around. But I'm not exactly welcoming to criticism from friends, for just a few reasons...

1. They are not my mother
2. I know I'm 16 and don't always make the right decision, but so are my friends. So how is their decision any better than mine?
3. What's the point of "Learning from your mistakes" if I can't even make any?

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Why would you want to make mistakes?" Because I'm a teenager and that's what we do. I need to learn for myself what growing up is like and I can't do that with someone in the way. I appreciate when it's helpful and insightful criticism, but when it's annoying, "do this, do that" criticism, I don't appreciate it at all. We've all heard it before considering it's extremely cliche, but please oh please, let me live my life.





Sorry for that. I just had to get it out of my system.
I love you all and I hope you are having a beautiful summer and making mistakes. :p

More Wyoming Pictures

Enjoy (:

Just When My Summer Started to Dull.

The last two weeks I spent with my best friend in the whole entire world. You all know her, because I talk about her constantly but now's your chance to see her beautiful face. I love her to death. She is so much fun and it's impossible to be bored with her (even though I said "I'm so bored" a lot :p) She is such a good influence on everyone and is very uplifting. She's the perfect best friend. She the kind that people search for and describe in TV shows and movies. I had a blast these last two weeks. She made my summer the best it could be.

We spent the night with a few of Jordan's friends and lit off fire works. It was lots of fun and as you can see, I had tons of energy.

One of my favorite pictures! 4th of July.

Conner and Jordan's cat Sadie. She's a cutie :]

I'm not quite sure what's going on in this picture.

I love this one. We both look so happy :D

We stole a street sign. It says "Gunn Cir" I now have Ashley St. and Gunn Cir.

We went to Lagoon and had sooo much fun :]

These were taken while we're were waiting in line for Wicked.

We made lots of stove top smores.

Those PacMan energy drink kept us up all night. :]

We did our hair and make up all crazy :]

Wyoming must be fond of giant Buddha statues.

Some scary men were driving by very slow. This is me thinking "I wonder if we're going to get raped tonight." :p They just turned around though.

We made a time capsule to open when we're 18.

We tried on lots of cute dresses at J.C. Penny. I scored some cute shorts there too. :]