Are you there God? It's me, Ashley.

I have experienced so many crazy things this summer. I've traveled more in the last three months than I have in my entire life, I grew even closer to my sister Jadie, I learned so many life long lessons, I fell in love and fell out of it even faster, I've made some crazy mistakes, and over all I had the best summer of my life. Too bad it's over! School isn't all that bad though. I like my classes and that's what matters. As far as being trapped for 8 hours and the people who attend it's still my worst nightmare. Looking back at my summer to do list, I finished 10 of the 15 I wrote. I think that means I win x]








Anyway, lets have story time.

The last week of summer I went to Oregon. I love it so much there! I wish I could have stayed longer but school was starting. While I was there, Jadie and I went to the ocean. I think out of all the incredible things in this world, the ocean is at the top of the list. It's one of the things that those know-it-all scientists can't learn everything about. It stays a mystery. And it's SO pretty. Everything about it is beautiful from the surface to the very bottom. :] We also went to the tide pools and got to touch all the weird sea creatures that get stuck until high tide comes in. It was so cool :D

















I also made a couple of friends while I was there. Well, I guess I met a couple of friends. I've been talking to them for a while now and I just met them in person:] It was a lot of fun to be able to talk to them face to face:]

I think the most important part of the last three weeks of summer was spending time with Jadie. I thought it was possible to get any closer to the girl but I was soooo wrong. I'm not even sure how to explain it. I just love her tons :] We both agreed it's a bit cruel for our parents to keep us apart but what do you do? I suppose it just makes seeing her once a year that much better :]


Sorry in advance to get all serious, but I need to vent somewhere. Only so many people read this anyway and I trust all the ones that do.

I talked about him a lot, so you all know who Brent is. What you don't know, is that we broke up :[ I'm not going to say why, just know that it's a long story. I didn't believe in love before I met Brent. I only believed in lust. I thought the whole love thing was all just a joke that little girls like to fantasize about. But Brent made me fall in love. He made me feel things that I had never felt before and I'm not so sure I ever will feel again. He made me happy :] Despite all the pain now, I can't get myself to regret it. I wouldn't mind if the pain disappeared.. But I spent 6 months in a constant dream. I was never unhappy when I was with him. I also had someone there, someone who cared. He was always there for me and still is even though we aren't dating. I'm not gonna lie, I'm still in love with him. It's been exactly a month today since we broke up. If we were still dating, it would be our 7 month mark. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and that there is a bright side to all of this. I just have to keep searching. Also, thank you to my family. If it weren't for them, I doubt I would have made it through the first week without him.

Long Time, No Talk?!

OH MY GOSH I'M BACK!

Mwahahaha, I disappeared.

Not really. I've just been busy, busy, busy. My step sister Jadie has been here visiting and I only see her once a year. She is my best friend in the whole wide world. I love her to death:] Even though she just drank all the RedBull. (Which by the way, I've had 83 so far this summer. I think it would be cool if I got to 100.) We've done some pretty crazy stuff while she's been here. I'll go into more detail about it later on and also have some pictures up :D Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm alive. Hope you all are having a fantastic summer!

Give Me a Sign

I should never think
What's in your heart
What's in our home
So I won't

You'll learn to hate me
But still call me baby
Oh love
So call me by my name

And save your soul
Save your soul
Before you're to far gone
Before nothing can be done

I'll try to decide when
She'll lie in the end
I ain't got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
So hold off
She should hold off
It's the one thing that I've known

Once I put my coat on
I'm coming out in this all wrong
She's standing outside holding me
Saying "Oh please,
I'm in love,
I'm in love!"

Girl save your soul
Go on save your soul
Before it's to far gone
And before nothing can be done

Cause without me
You got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on.

I just think those lyrics are amazing. Can anyone tell me what it means when you feel like "it" is just to much but you don't know what "it" is? I'm overwhelmed. Something has to be causing that and I'm on a search to find out what it is. I don't mean to complain or to play the pity card. But I just have to let loose sometimes.
A while ago I wrote;

Give me a sign
Move me forward before I turn back
I can't see the line
I can't see what I lack

Time is running out
And I'm running in place
My heart is full of doubt
For it seems, I'm losing the race

Get me out of here
I'm not strong enough for this
All that's left is fear
I know that I won't miss

Please don't say goodbye
Please don't feel any pain
I didn't mean to lie
My sorrow is like a stain.


I don't think I really knew what I was talking about when I wrote it. I think I wrote it for my future self, which is the present me. There is more behind the words. So you won't understand it the way I do, but maybe you can understand it in your own way. I wish life was a stopwatch. I wouldn't mind putting it on hold during times like these. I need a break.

Lindon Stake Trek 2010

I recently got back from trek. For those who don't know what that is, it is an activity my church does. We dress up like pioneers and walk 27 miles of the exact same trail the pioneers walked. It seems pretty pointless but it's not. I thought it was pretty pointless myself, and I did not want to go. I spent hours crying about it and dreading it. But, if I've ever made a good decision it was deciding to go on that trek. It was honestly the best experience of my life.
We did something called the woman's pull. The men "died" and lined the edges of a very steep hill. They then had to watch the girls struggle to pull their handcart up the hill. They weren't allowed to help us at all. They had to sit and watch. As I was helping pull my "family's" handcart up the hill, I noticed that most of the men were crying. That was so touching to me. I did not know that they cared enough to cry about not being able to help us. I can't help but wonder if that is how our loved ones that have passed on feel when we are going through rough times. After it was over, they came back and said "You girls are not allowed to lay a finger on this handcart the rest of the day." I felt more loved at that moment then I have for quite a while. I'm not one to say things like this, but the Spirit was very strong during all of this.
Another thing we did was we walked Rocky Ridge. If you don't know what this is, look it up. It is a part of the trail that stretches 5 miles and it is the hardest 5 miles of the entire trail. It is very steep the entire time and there are huge rocks jutting out just about everywhere you look. We did this part of the trail with good health, and in fairly good weather. However, when the pioneers did it, they had snow up to their knees and were already exhausted. I had no idea how much they suffered before I went on trek. I have so much respect for them.
Before we go on trek, we choose some to trek for. Usually an ancestor. I chose Bodile Mortenson. She is a direct descendant of mine. She was nine years old when she left her home and started on the trail. Her family was too poor to go so they sent Bodile with another family. Her job was to gather firewood everyday so they could have a fire at night time. The night the worst storm of the season hit, (that storm killed 13 people) she was trying to fulfill her duty and went to gather fire wood. All she could find was sage brush so she gathered it up in her arms and walked back to the handcart. She was tired and needed to rest. She only stopped for a single second but that was all it took. The next morning she was found frozen to death, standing up, with the sagebrush still in her arms. I wish so much that she could have just made it through that one night. I know that if she did she would have made it to Zion. I felt her spirit with me the entire time and I know for a fact that she was incredibly strong. I feel like I know her and love her. I almost feel her sorrow. Anyway, I saw her grave and that alone made trek the best experience of my life. To me, seeing where the 13 that died that night were buried made the whole thing come to life. I felt so close to all of them, but especially Bodile.

I wish everyone could have the chance to go on Trek. It was definitely challenging but by far the most amazing experience of my life. If i could do it over again, I would in a heart beat. I will never forget the things I saw a learned while I was there. And to think that I didn't even experience a fraction of all the hardship and sorrow they went through. The pioneers are truly remarkable.

I came to dance, dance, dance.

I'm having one of those days where all I want to do, is go out. :D





I really like that song right now. Today when I was getting ready, I was thinking about how cool it would be to go to Africa. It's probably hotter than it is here but at least they have elephants and giraffes and zebras. I would totally suffer through heat stroke to see all that. :]

Can I get an "Amen?"

FACTS ABOUT ASHLEY

• I'm a free spirit
• I'm a free spirit
• I'm a free freaking spirit.

You can't say that you know me if you don't know that I don't like being told what to do. Yes, I accept it from my parents. It's their job to boss me around. But I'm not exactly welcoming to criticism from friends, for just a few reasons...

1. They are not my mother
2. I know I'm 16 and don't always make the right decision, but so are my friends. So how is their decision any better than mine?
3. What's the point of "Learning from your mistakes" if I can't even make any?

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Why would you want to make mistakes?" Because I'm a teenager and that's what we do. I need to learn for myself what growing up is like and I can't do that with someone in the way. I appreciate when it's helpful and insightful criticism, but when it's annoying, "do this, do that" criticism, I don't appreciate it at all. We've all heard it before considering it's extremely cliche, but please oh please, let me live my life.





Sorry for that. I just had to get it out of my system.
I love you all and I hope you are having a beautiful summer and making mistakes. :p

More Wyoming Pictures

Enjoy (: